Here’s the audio version:

And here’s the poem:

‘Twas the Day of Thanksgiving (or, A Visit From the Relatives)
by Christopher Kent (with apologies to Clement C. Moore)

‘Twas the day of Thanksgiving, and all through the house
I could smell turkey roasting (the chef was my spouse)
Tiny pilgrims were placed on the table with care
In hopes that a gravy boat soon would be there
The children were playing their video games
As visions of zombies and guns filled their brains
And I and my wife, in our Thanksgiving finery
Had just settled down for a sip from the winery
When out front of the house there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
I heard honking and braking, of that I was certain,
So I ran to the window and threw back the curtain.
The sun on the crest of the new-fallen leaves
Pissed me off; I’d just raked the lawn Thanksgiving Eve.
Then what to my eyes should appear? I’ll be blunt:
A car full of relatives parking out front
With a middle-aged driver not younger or thinner;
I knew that it must be the gang come for dinner.
The doors all flew open and out they all came
My sis and her family. She called them by name:
“Stop it Tommy! Quiet, Sarah! Billy, stop hitting Jane!
We are here to have fun! Do not whine or complain!”
And with much fuss and shouting to our door they all flew
With a fruitcake and cookies, and ginger ale too
And then in a twinkling, the doorbell it rang
And we heard lots of hubbub and fuss from the gang
As I put back the curtain and was turning around
The door opened and in came the kids—what a sound!
They were dressed in their best, from their heads to their toes
Though my sis had to wipe schmutz from young Tommy’s nose
Then Tommy shoved Billy, and he shoved him back
While Jane sneered like a meddler, and he gave her flack
Billy’s eyes were a-twinkle, his smile, how merry!
He looked like the cat that just ate the canary.
Sarah’s hair was tied back with a fall-colored bow
And her teeth, behind braces, were as white as the snow
My brother-in-law tried his best to look cheery
Though the chaos encircling him left him weary
He inquired ‘bout the game we might watch on the telly
And he laughed as he handed me cranberry jelly
He was overweight slightly, from too much good living
And I laughed when I saw him, despite some misgivings
But a look from my sis and a twist of her head
Soon gave me to know, I’d best watch what I said
It wasn’t long after we ate a fine feast
And we filled all our bellies, pigging out like wild beasts
Then the kids ran around and we adults drank some more
‘Til my sis gave a nod, and they filed out the door
They climbed into the car, with much family drama
Then they pulled from the curb, papa, kiddies and momma
But I heard her exclaim, over laughter and shrieks,
“Merry Christmas comes next! We’ll be back in four weeks!”

Copyright 2014 by Christopher Kent—all rights reserved.

Like to print out a copy for reading on turkey day? Here’s a pdf!

‘Twas the day of Thanksgiving!